The Nuts Who Came Here This Month

I don't have time to get detailed today. I have to make an emergency trip to the vet. Send positive thoughts my way for my cat, please! She's my baby, and if anything is seriously wrong (which I fear,) I'll just die.

So anyway, some of the stranger search phrases that brought people here this month:

Cameltoe Lydia
Larissa you f*cking mug (Well!)
Kick man in nuts with high shiny heels (Okaaaaaaay.)
How to tell if it is raccoon poop (Taste it! I dare you!)
Why are people snobs? (I'd love to know the answer to this one, as well, buddy.)
Where to slit someone's throat (That would be...the throat.)
How did the TV series Angel end? (Badly.)
We snorted heroin together (How nice for you. Get away from my blog.)
Larissa are you out there (*waving* I'm here! I'm here!)
grasshopper leg
Porn with Larissa (Sounds like a TV show. Shopping with Diane. Cooking with Emeril. Porn with Larissa.)
Mission Space claustrophobia (Glad I'm not the only one.)
Be watching you Larissa (Let me just go make sure my doors are locked...)
Booger flicking contest (No. Those don't REALLY exist, right? Right?)
Tobey Mcguire spiderman bulge
Larissa you muppet
Save blonde haired people (I didn't know we were endangered)


And just when I think I've covered all pet myths (got a bazillion of the usual search queries this month, you know, dogs and lighting, expoding doberman skulls, etc.) I get some new key phrases. Guess I have more myths to dispell, huh?:

Do cats attract lightning
Animals attract lightning
Female cats spayed insane


The scariest queries of the month:
Can a female human get pregnant by dog?
Crazy about animal sex

Oh, and and speaking of scary...as I was typing this, a news alert popped onto the TV. A body buried in a shallow grave was found in the woods a mile from my house. Good thing I already checked my door locks.

Thursday, March 31, 2005 @ 07:57 AM CST [link]

Hot Doctors

So I had a doctor appointment today. Remember the mammogram? Well, the results were inconclusive, so I had an ultrasound a few weeks ago. Still inconclusive. So I was sent to a surgeon today for new tests and a firm diagnosis.

What did all that involve? It involved a rather thorough breast exam and another ultrasound with the most modern equipment. Who did all this? The surgeon. And what did the surgeon look like? Young and hot. Grr.

Hot doctors are great. Love to look at them. Like pilots. A flight suit can make anyone look good, but when you get a REALLY hot pilot in a flight suit...drool. Same with doctors. Nothing like a hot man in scrubs.

However. When you are having um, well, intimate things done to your body, you don't want hot doctors. That means no hot men should be gynecologists, obstetricians, or breast examining surgeons. There should be a law.

Oh, and disclaimer time. I'm talking about personal things like *gasp* my breasts. In public. In my blog. But you know what? I'd be willing to bet that most of the people who read my blog are women who can relate or who will someday relate. So this is like a public service. Ladies, do your breast self-exams. Men, this is a fact of a woman's life, so if it offends you, too bad.

So anyway, Hot Doc examines. Prods. Feels. I just look at the ceiling, because I SO can't look at him. WHY couldn't he have been 100 years old and covered with warts? Next, it's into the ultrasound room, where, oh joy, they are testing new equipment. I'm the guinea pig. Which means that every freaking person who needs to learn to use the equipment and/or interpret ultrasounds is watching. And prodding. And feeling. Every man and woman in Biloxi has now felt my breasts.

And to make a short story long, I learn that I have a gob of cysts I didn't even know about, and one "unidentifiable mass." So I have two choices. Biopsy or surgery. Obviously, the biopsy is less invasive and isn't as risky as surgery. But it also fails 20% of the time, sometimes comes back as inconclusive because they didn't get the right tissue, and may result in surgery anyway.

I've been given until the end of April to think about it so that I can schedule whatever procedure when Bryan gets home in May. Joy.

But hey, at least Hot Doc will do it!

Wednesday, March 30, 2005 @ 01:32 PM CST [link]

Ha! And did I mention, HA!

I only have about two seconds for a post today, so I'm going to leave you with some right brilliant words that I'm going to add to my sidebar the next time I update the thing. (Translation: The next time I have 30 minutes to waste while I wait for Greymatter to rebuild.)

For all you fellow Rule-breaking rebels:

"Repeat after me: There are no rules. There is only good writing. That's all that matters." -- Kensington editor Kate Duffy

So there, Rule Nazis!

Tuesday, March 29, 2005 @ 06:30 AM CST [link]

Revisions

There is a light at the end of the tunnel. Snowbound might not sell in the end, but dammit, the manuscript is about as good as it's going to get. I'm now in the process of looking it over and making minor adjustments, such as font changes. Yes, font changes.

I usually write in Courier New, 25 lines per page, 1 to 1.25 inch margins to get that 250 word-per-page formula. However, Mills and Boon goes by actual word count, one of the few print publishers who does so. So the formula isn't important, and I want to save on shipping costs. By changing the font to TNR 14 and making NO line adjustments, I can cut FORTY-FIVE pages. Awesome. Of course, the printed pages look like they are meant for people who are going blind. TNR 14 is HUGE! And dark. I used to hate Courier, but now I've gotten used to it, and TNR looks strange.

Still trying to figure out what to do about a SASE and a return postcard. My post office doesn't have a clue what IRCs are, but I just happen to have 45 pounds worth of British money, so I may just paperclip a couple of pounds to the SASE.

Gah. I tend to freak about dumb, small stuff as crunch time approaches. I always think I have it all figured out, and then the clock starts clicking toward M-Day (mailing day,) and I start sweating. Panicking. Totally wigging out about crap I KNOW isn't important. I think that somewhere in the back of my mind, panic short-circuits my brain, causing a bypass in the lobe that controls logic and instead fires the "don't break The Rules!" synapses. It's weird. I'm the biggest RULE hater on the planet, and yet, there's a little writer devil on my shoulder who likes to whisper things like "They'll reject you if you don't put spaces between your elipsis dots." The little bastard.

So I'm off to fight the devil, though I won't do much of it today. DH is leaving tomorrow for a 5-week patrol, so I'd probably better spend some time with him!

Monday, March 28, 2005 @ 08:47 AM CST [link]

Happy Easter!

And, thanks to Alison and Emma, I have a post for today!


Which File Extension are You?

Sunday, March 27, 2005 @ 07:57 AM CST [link]

Writing

I got my April RWR yesterday, and it was one of the best issues I've seen in a while. I enjoyed the interview with Tessa Shapcott since she talked about M&B's ideas for the Temptation line. And I always like the First Sales column, even though, as Emma says, it's extremely outdated. Loved Kelley St. John's The Call article.

But my favorite article in this issue? "The Mythical Rules of Romance Writing." The Rules make me hyperventilate. Make me shake with fury, especially when I see something like what happened to Tracy. Alison says it well when she says, "ANYONE WHO KNOWS ANYTHING KNOWS THESE ARE NOT PUBLISHING RULES. These are rules that those trying to sell think will make a difference. They won’t. Editors don’t give a crap about how you indicate a scene break. THEY CARE ABOUT THE STORY. Can that ever be emphasized enough?!?!?!?!"

Anyway, I usually toss my RWRs after a month or two, but I might stick this one on my keeper shelf!

Saturday, March 26, 2005 @ 09:29 AM CST [link]

Back!

Yay! It feels good to be home after four long days at Disney World during spring break. I've been to Disney World/Land a million times, and I've never seen it so crowded. Ugh. But overall, it was fun.

Day 1: Magic Kingdom. It was hot and SO crowded that although we were there for 12 hours, we didn't get to do a lot. Fortunately, Disney now has Fastpass installed at all of its parks' most popular features, so you can get a Fastpass at a ride, and then you come back at the time it specifies on the Fastpass, and you can bypass the line to the ride and get right on. It's awesome. The catch is that you can only have one Fastpass at a time, so you can get a pass to Space Mountain, but until it expires, you can't get one to Splash Mountain, Big Thunder Mountain, etc.

Day 2: MGM Studios. The park was much less crowded than Magic Kingdom, but still packed. At least it was cloudy that day, so it wasn't hot. They have a new ride, an Aerosmith roller coaster that is AWESOME. It's launching mechanism is the same thing used on aircraft carriers to shoot planes off the deck, so the roller coaster goes from 0 to 60 mph in 2.6 seconds. There is some serious g-force there. It was a blast. Literally.

We also went on my favorite ride of all-time, The Tower Of Terror. It's a giant elevator ride based on a Twilight Zone show that goes 13 stories up and then drops you. It's dark, and the elevator stops on random floors, shows you something scary, whips you back up, and drops you again and again. My poor son was traumatized. But after a couple of hours he stopped drooling and twitching. We still can't hum the Twilight Zone theme or he cries, though...

MGM has a cool attraction where you go onto a TV set and play Who Wants To Be A Millionaire, so we did that. And you really get to go to the hot seat if you score well while playing from your audience seat. You can win some really cool stuff. Out of 500 people, I scored 4th, and if I'd known that they were counting how FAST you got the right answer, I might actually have made it to the hot seat. But no. I took my time pushing the answer buttons because I didn't know. Grr. But it was fun!

Day 3: EPCOT It was REALLY hot that day, and crowded. There are two new rides there, a roller coastery thing and Mission Space. The roller coaster thing ran out of Fastpasses before we could get one, and the wait for it was THREE hours. No thanks. No ride is worth that. But we did go on Mission Space, and let me just say that when the sign says "If tight, dark spaces bother you, or if you are prone to motion sickness, do not board this ride," it means it.

I'm mildly claustrophobic. Meaning that elevators, subways, tunnels, etc., don't bother me unless I think about it. But the thought of being locked in something like a coffin terrifies me. So guess what they put you in for this ride? Yeah, something about the size of a coffin. Tightly sealed. OMG. I freaked out, looked around madly for a panic button so they could get me out of the thing, but there wasn't one. OMG. There are three other people in the capsule with you, each locked into their own little coffins. You can see them through a narrow space, but Gary Sinise, the mission commander dude on the screen in front of you, says not to look or you'll become disoriented and sick. (And they very thoughfully provide barf bags for you.)

Anyway, so you're stuck inside a coffin that suddenly whips around inside a giant centrifuge while on the screen just inches from your face (because you're in a coffin) you see images of blasting off from a launch pad, flying through space, slinging around the moon, etc. It feels very real, and the simulator is something actually used to prepare astronauts for the space missions.

I could NEVER be an astronaut. I was sick for two hours after that ride. It was horrible. I wouldn't go on that thing again for a million dollars, and it wasn't so much the motion sickness as the claustrophobia. Horrible. Just horrible. *shudders* The sound of Gary Sinise's voice makes me cry now...

Day 4: Disney's Animal Kingdom. My favorite day. It stormed in the morning, so I think that people who intended to go decided not to. So the park was practically empty. There were no waits for any of the attractions, and it was cloudy and cool. It's not the best Disney park, but I think it's the smallest, and it was definitely the most relaxed.

In other news that will excite fellow Tru Calling fans, Fox has decided to air the six episodes that were filmed for the next season before it was cancelled!!!!!!! The bad news? That's all that will probably air. But hey, it's better than nothing. At least we won't be left with the season finale cliffhanger from last season!

Okay, I'm off to catch up on blogs and email!

Friday, March 25, 2005 @ 08:42 AM CST [link]

Gone!

Well, the revisions are done--the rough draft, anyway, and now I need some time to step away from the story since I can no longer see it for the words. So we're off to Orlando today (Disney World at spring break. Groan.) and I won't be back until Friday the 25th.

Take care, everyone, and get lots of writing done!

Saturday, March 19, 2005 @ 05:59 AM CST [link]

Real/Fantasy

Revisiting the heroine/hero thing for a moment because it's been bugging me. There has been a lot of discussion going on in various blogs and on lists about whether romance is better when it's real or fantasy. Obviously, the answer depends on the reader.

But one thing seems to remain the same. Even writers who create "real" characters, must create a fantasy man. Or at least, a man about whom a reader can fantasize, but who isn't too good to be true--who is a fantasy but so very well developed that he comes across as real. But better.

Sure, the heroines can be real--which once again explains why I often don't like heroines. But really, heroines don't have to be fantasy because readers aren't expected to fall in love with them. So for a lot of people, the more faults, the more women can identify. And faults in heroines have never been an issue with me. I actually prefer heroines with everyday problems and big issues, and I WILL like them if they are fully developed.

But who wants a real man in a romance? I don't want to read about a hero who ignores the kids, channel surfs during commercials and doesn't get back to the show in time, doesn't empty the dishwasher, dribbles on the toilet seat, and farts on his way past and then blames it on the cat. (And I realize there are REAL men out there who don't do all this, but you KNOW they have some other irritating habit.) Yes, romance heroes need faults, but the faults aren't usually disgusting, and they are kind of cool--big flaws we women fantasize about fixing.

I was watching Dr. Phil the other day, and he was doing some sort of contest with engaged couples. You know--a Newlywed Game kind of thing. He asked the question of the women: "What irritates you the most about your fiance?"

One woman says, "He snores." Another says, "He watches too much sports." The last woman says, "He thinks it's funny to flick his boogers on me."

WTF???

My husband, who was home at the time, whipped his head around from his too-loud computer game (my irritation) to say, "He does what? Oh my God, you'd divorce me."

Damn straight. And any guy who flicked his boogers on me would find that he has a real hard time picking boogers out of a broken nose.

Thing is, this guy was good looking. Nice bod. Good job. Hero material. Except for the fact that HE FLICKS BOOGERS ON HIS FIANCEE and obviously has the mentality of a three-year old.

So full-blown reality for heroes...not a good idea. We need escape from real men sometimes. At least, I do, and I know a lot of women who read for the same reason--escapism. So I head to romance, where you'll find a lot of different ideas of what makes a hero. From skinny, shy, geeky guys, to brutish alpha jerks who border on being sexual predators and stalkers. What anyone sees in that latter fantasy type is beyond me, but then, there are actually women who are turned on by incarcerated serial killers. They should just find themselves a nice booger-flicker.

Anyway, what it boils down to is that a lot of romances are written with "real" characters and situations, but it's hard to keep the hero "real." There has to be an element of fantasy if you want to make the reader fall in love. Because really, who wants to read about toilet-dribblers and booger-flickers?

BTW, I realize that people who talk about wanting "real" characters are talking about Emma's verisimilitude thing and not booger-flicking, farting, unhelpful men, but my point is that I think a writer can get away with more booger-flicking in heroines than heroes. (Well, maybe not booger-flicking, but you know what I mean! )

Friday, March 18, 2005 @ 07:03 AM CST [link]

I'm Not Alone

Not long ago, I was flipping through my RWR, and an advertisement for a romance novel caught my eye. Not because it was especially gorgeous or exciting...but because it was there at all. I'd never truly noticed them before. I mean, I know they've been there for forever, but I never paid much attention, probably because, as a writer, I am more interested in the articles.

So I started thinking. Why are there ads in the RWR? It's a publication that goes out to other writers. How effective is marketing romance novels to other novelists? I wondered the same thing about conferences and sig lines on emails you see at Yahoo writing groups. I can't think of ONE book I've bought because of a sig line. I can't think of one book I've bought because an author sent a promotional email to a group. "MY BOOK IS OUT!!! GO BUY IT!" As a matter of fact, obnoxious promos and sig lines have turned me OFF of authors.

Anyway, PBW's post today reminded me off all this. She brings up free promotional books at conferences, which also doesn't make a lot of sense to me.

Then again, I'm not published and I'm not especially tuned in to the marketing aspect of romance since I have no need to be at this point, so I could be way off base with the "why market to writers?" question. But it seems to me that romance writers are a very small market (and sure things who mostly already buy romance,) basically, a drop in the bucket in the reader pool, so why waste resources that might be better used to target the general public who might not otherwise read romance, or who do, but might need a nudge to a new author or sub-genre?

On another subject, I was pleased that Lindsey was voted off American Idol last night. Not that I don't like her, but I think she was the weakest of the top 12. I wasn't surprised about Mikalah being in the bottom 3 (I'm thinking that if Barbara Streisand and Fran Drescher had a love child, it would be Mikalah,) but I was surprised that Jessica was in the bottom 3. I expected to see Scott there. Dude looks like Cartman.

Oh, and go vote for a Whedon spinoff character! Maybe TPTB will listen. (Fat chance, but we gotta try.) Thanks, Diana, for pointing the poll out!

Thursday, March 17, 2005 @ 08:36 AM CST [link]

Toughen Up, Soldier!!!

Yeah, you heard me. Stop being so sensitive about critiques and harsh judges and toughen up, you pathetic worm of a writer!

Yep, I should have made a career out of the military and gone on to be a drill instructor.

Okay, we all hear that we need to toughen up, not be so sensitive about our writing. (Lori Devoti's post at RTB yesterday reminded me of all this--a post I loved, by the way! "Ignorant cow," hee hee!) But how do writers do that?

When I first started writing and showing my work to people, I'll admit that I was devastated by some of the comments I received. As time went on and I realized I wasn't a great writer out of the starting gate, I developed a much thicker skin. But it took time. And also, it took a couple of scathing critiques to make me see that well-meaning, honest critiques aren't harsh, but very valuable (and boy, I wouldn't trade my tough, honest CPs for anything!)

So my point is that yeah, it's a good idea to "toughen up" if you don't like pain. But simply telling someone to toughen up isn't going to work. It's like telling someone that their story sucks. Well, that's all fine and dandy, but it tells the writer nothing. Telling them WHY their story sucks is a lot more helpful (assuming that they are tough and want to hear it! ) So how do writers toughen up? Is time and experience the only answer? Or harsh critiques that make normal ones look gentle? Or maybe preparation--knowing that you can expect some harshness from editors and agents?

So, if you weren't one of the lucky ones who was born with a thick skin, how long did it take YOU to toughen up so that every critique or comment didn't make you want to scream in frustration or cry in misery?

Wednesday, March 16, 2005 @ 08:26 AM CST [link]

The Hated Heroine

Pages Written: Revisions, revisions

My post yesterday at RTB was a very generalized one where there are actually several issues buried inside, none of them fully explored. Why do I tend to dislike heroines? Why do I read for the hero's story instead of the heroine's? Do I need to identify with the characters, or just understand them? What kinds of heroes and heroines appeal to me? Etcetera, etcetera.

I did find that I'm not alone in that I read romances for the men, and not for an adventure with the heroine. That was nice. But still, why is it that I don't usually even LIKE the heroines in romance novels?

Candy at Smart Bitches Who Love Trashy Novels says it may be because "of an odd species of competitiveness/possessiveness. Not that these readers are looney tunes and think the heroes are real and therefore are jealous of the heroine because she gets him and they don’t, but remember back in school when you had that massive crush on Simon LeBon or Jordan Knight or whoever, and they were YOURS and you got pissed of if your best friend developed a crush on him too? I’m thinking that maybe the extreme identification with the hero may originate from similar roots."

This may be the case for some readers, but for me? I don't think so. I'm not jealous of the heroines--I've never been the type to be jealous over women getting men. I just don't like the heroines, and I think it may come from the fact that in real life, I've never really gotten along well with women. I either "click" with a woman I meet, or I don't. And the ones I do click with tend to become best friends with whom I remain best friends no matter how much time passes and how many moves I make across the country.

I've always been more comfortable around men. I have had lots of good male friends, though I've never had the "best friend" kind of friendship with one the way I've had with women. So if I have to be with a GROUP of people, I tend to choose men. If I have to be with ONE person, it tends to be a woman.

Even my career choices have leaned toward the male-heavy side. My college education is in criminal justice, a field that is very top-heavy with men. Then I joined the military, again, a very male-dominated organization. My career choice? Weather. Once again, dominated by men. I've worked in weather stations where I was the ONLY female.

I think what it boils down to is that I have a very low tolerance for emotionalism. A whiny heroine drives me insane. A heroine who cries a lot makes me want to slap her. (Of course, I'm the person who can't stand listening to helpless military wives whine about their husbands being gone for two weeks--try MONTHS, ladies! You'll live.) On the opposite end, a TOO-strong heroine who won't listen to sound advice because she's trying to be independent makes me crazy, too. A heroine who is too serious is also one I won't like much.

I NEED my characters to have a sense of humor if I'm going to really like them. I'm not talking about goofy, zany humor, but at least the ability to laugh at themselves. If a heroine can make me smile, I'm going to like her. In real life, a woman who has a lot of energy and can make me laugh is one I'm going to want to go have drinks with. A serious woman might be interesting to talk to, but I'm not going to want to work with her or hang out with her. Same with romance heroines.

Yes, I'm picky. About all the characters. I have issues with heroes, too, but I'll get into that later. Still, I think that I might like heroes more often because authors tend to create fantasy men, men you can't help but love. The heroines are different. Authors try to craft women who are "likable." Maybe the heroines are often reflections of the author herself. Whatever it is, the heroines are probably not "fantasy" women in the sense that the heroes are. We female readers aren't looking at the heroines in the same way we look at the men. We aren't physically attracted to the heroines, and as writers, we aren't worried about creating a woman that other women will fall in love with. So does that affect how likable heroines are as opposed to men? Is this making any sense? I probably should have made some coffee before writing this post. ;0

Okay, enough pointless rambling. Just give me a heroine who isn't TSTL, who isn't whiny but isn't so strong you think she's trying to be a man, who has a sense of humor, and I'll like her. I promise.

Tuesday, March 15, 2005 @ 07:46 AM CST [link]

Today's Post

Is at Romancing The Blog. Please check it out and let me know what you think! I wanted to say so much more, but didn't have enough room to completely explore the topic, so I'll do that here this week.

Happy Monday!

Monday, March 14, 2005 @ 06:51 AM CST [link]

Pre-NASCAR Fluff

Well, I've spent the last two days completely away from writing. I was growing increasingly frustrated with my revisions, and reading pretty much anything, from magazines to novels, made me grow even more frustrated. So I was happy to have other distractions. I wasn't happy about the migraine that started yesterday afternoon and that had me in bed by 9:00 last night, though.

I'm hoping that my well has been at least partially refilled and that I can be of more help to my CPs and that I can work on Snowbound without wanting to scream.

Jillhas a fun post up where she asks about guilty pleasures, and I definitely need to indulge in one soon. I forgot to mention my GUILTIEST pleasure; video games. I can play a good RPG video game like Baldur's Gate or Icewind Dale for DAYS straight. I kid you not. I will sit at the computer until I fall asleep at it. So guess what my reward for finishing my revisions is? Neverwinter Nights. Oh, yeah. Y'all won't see me for a week once I start playing. *g*

And speaking of pleasure, Alison has an interesting conversation going about realistic vs. fantasy sex. Fun comments!

Sunday, March 13, 2005 @ 08:55 AM CST [link]

Win/Lose

I'm a winner! I won a copy of Charlene Teglia's book, Love and Rockets. Very cool. I never win anything. Thank you, Charlene!

A quick check of my stats also revealed a sudden, huge jump in visitors. Why? Apparently some idiot created a "Larissa Virus." The fun part is that it's not only a virus, but it's part of a flame war. The Larissa virus creator made it to remove another virus of a rival virus author, but the fix also installs the Larissa virus. Good grief. Now there are wars between the scum of the earth who create computer viruses. Thing is, the Larissa virus is pretty minor as far as viruses go. Dammit, if you are going to make a virus using my name, I want it to be REALLY nasty!

Have a nice Saturday, everyone, and if you get a love letter from "me," it isn't ME!

Saturday, March 12, 2005 @ 08:07 AM CST [link]

According to...

Tracy's poll, readers of romance prefer and equal amount of POV time from the heroine and hero. Only one person indicated that they'd rather read mostly heroine POV with snippets of the hero. Huh.

Diana says there's a miniseries out by Desire right now that is written entirely in the hero's POV, and I'm dying to get my hands on one of those. I've read books written only in the heroine's POV (I can't stand those,) but never the opposite. I wonder how it'll work. I prefer the hero's POV in pretty much any story, but I can't imagine not getting into the heroine's head at all. Should be interesting.

Taking a break from writing today and tomorrow--today I have a bunch of running around to do, and tomorrow I'm going shopping with a friend. I desperately need some new clothes and a swimsuit for our coming vacation to Disney World (during spring break--should be hellish.) Hopefully the break will be what I need to attack revisions with a fresh eye. Maybe I can even get a movie in. I want to see The Pacifier, not for Vin Diesel (honest!) but for...THE DUCK!!!!

And here's what Vin had to say about working with The Duck:

Q: How tough was working with the duck?

A: The duck was everything you could imagine. The duck was supposedly a very gentle duck. I mean, when they described how the bite would feel, they basically did this to my finger [rubs finger]. “It’ll never be more than that.” “Are you sure that’s not going to draw blood and I’m going to get infected by some kind of lake disease?” “No, because there’s no lake. It’s never drawn blood. Believe me, it’s fine.” I’m in a scene with Faith Ford, we’re going through our lines, pit pat pit, I hear some splatter on the counter. “QUACK.” And my first inclination is, “Motherf***er!” And then, “I’m in a Disney picture. Ah, damn.”

Suzanne, I'm jonesin' for some more duck pics!

Friday, March 11, 2005 @ 08:06 AM CST [link]

Blah, Blah, Blah

My revisions are absolutely kicking my butt. I handled the first 17 of the items just fine. Numbers 18 and 19 are killing me. I'm honestly beginning to wonder if I can pull this off. Number 19, make heroine's detour off the ski run and into the backcountry more motivated, I can do. It's a lot of work, but do-able.

Number 18...not so much. I'm having some I'm-a-hack-who-isn't-fit-to-write-a-classified-ad moments. Argh! I may seriously have to consider not doing item number 18 and just tell the editor it wouldn't work. Because it's not. Grr. I don't know.

Oh, and will y'all please head over to Tracy Sprayberry's and take her little poll on her left-hand sidebar? It relates to what my upcoming RTB article is about, and I'm curious about what you think.

Which leads me to ask...have you EVER read a romance written entirely, or even mostly, in the hero's POV? I'd LOVE to read one!

Oh, and if you're having trouble loading my blog or getting into the comments, it's because the Blogrolling site is down, so it's affecting how my blog page loads. I've noticed that everyone who has a blogroll is having trouble!

Thursday, March 10, 2005 @ 09:12 AM CST [link]

Woof!

I've got kind of an animal theme going this week, so what the heck--I'll continue it!

Last night I was thinking just how much animals mean to me. Obviously, a lot, if I've dedicated two pages to them on my website, and I plan to expand. And my love of animals has extended to my books, though I'm not one to throw animals into my stories for no reason. They have purpose. The best animal characters usually do, whether it's to humanize a character, show a character's cruelty or indifference, teach a character something, to highlight a human characteristic, or to add comic relief.

Not all my stories include animals, but the ones that do have purpose. In one historical, a pet chicken and an abused horse play large roles. In Vital Signs, the hero is a rescuer--so much so that being a rescuer defines who he is. That's all he does, 24/7. Rescue people. So he got a dog. A dog trained for...wanna guess? You got it. Search and Rescue. He loves the dog, but it's yet another tool for rescuing people, as much as his flashlight and GPS unit.

In Snowbound, the hero has a cat. The cat doesn't play a large role, but he's there to show the heroine that the hero isn't the shallow playboy she thought. He's a man who hated cats but saved the life of one and now spoils it rotten. Clearly, he has the capacity to grow and love and care.

So what about you? Do animals sneak into your stories?

Wednesday, March 09, 2005 @ 09:01 AM CST [link]

2nd Post of the Day

Check out the Scavenger hunts today! Too many blogs to list, but there's one going on at Writeminded, and another going on with Alison, Jill, and Jo Leigh!

Tuesday, March 08, 2005 @ 10:32 AM CST [link]

Growly

I'm having some serious computer problems today, which is SO frustrating because I have so much to do. And I'm a BEAR when I have computer problems. My entire family walks on eggshells around me.

Anyway, yesterday's post was such a downer that I thought I'd post something animal-related... but fun. So here's a picture of Felicks, AKA Spooge Cat, playing yesterday with his favorite toy, a balloon.

Also, I entered my first author contest. It's at Yolanda Gregg's website, and all you have to do is send her an email. Since I've never read an African-American romance, I thought this might be a great opportunity to try one and maybe find a new author I like. (Boy, I'm all about trying new things lately! )

Okay, I'm going to see if I can get some computer issues resolved, but unfortunately, I think I'm going to have to save the major stuff for after I get all my revisions on Snowbound finished. Hopefully the computer won't die permanently before then!

Tuesday, March 08, 2005 @ 09:58 AM CST [link]

Sick and Disturbing

Pages Written: Zillions of pages of revisions

I try to stay away from politics and "causes" in my blog, but I saw something in the news that just tore me up. I'd seen it before, but hoped things would get better as more European nations banned Asian fur imports.

Why is the banning of Asian fur imports so important? Because what they are importing is CAT AND DOG fur. They mislabel it to get it into other countries, sometimes even saying it's fake, because cat and dog fur is actually cheaper for them to obtain than manufacturing fake fur. TWO MILLION cats and dogs are slaughtered each year for the fur trade, and worse, the animals are often SKINNED ALIVE. When they are killed, the death is slow and cruel.

I'm still sick about this. I saw a video where a dog was beaten severely while the men laughed, and then they skinned it alive. It lay twitching and screaming--with no skin or fur--until it died.

People. DON'T WEAR FUR!!!!

Just a few days ago, a new European country banned Asian fur imports, and the person announcing the ban held up a coat. A coat made with the skins of 42 German shepherd puppies. Disney wasn't making crap up with the Cruella De Vil thing.

Click here to see how you can help. Or here to send an email to Tony Blair and the Minister of Trade in Britain, where, despite legislation, fur imports have increased because of false labeling.

On another note, Canada's baby seal hunt is about to start. Please take a moment to sign this petition, and this petition.

I know this post has been a terrible downer for anyone who loves animals, but you CAN make a difference. And to make a difference all year long, please order your books through the ASPCA's Amazon link. (scroll down) When you click on the link to go to Amazon, the American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals gets 2-15% of the sale price on orders, and they need the money desperately.

So go order some books. Support your favorite authors and at the same time, help the ASPCA!

Monday, March 07, 2005 @ 07:59 AM CST [link]

Sunday Fluff

Pages Written: Bazillions of pages of revisions

It's Sunday again. Time for a nothingness, fluffy post. Which means...blog quiz!

But first, I just had to say that I love Kassia's post at RTB today. The article I'm working on for my post next week is about heroines, and her post really helped me nail some of my ideas down, and also highlighted why I enjoy romances that feature heroines who haven't gotten their crap together yet, who aren't settled into a great job or who aren't independently wealthy but missing babies and a man in their lives. Anyway, check the article out if you haven't!

And now, onto the blog quiz, thanks to Sasha! I took it a while ago, and wasn't surprised by the outcome. When I started writing (as an adult--my VERY first stories were Jack London-ish novels about wolves, written IN the wolves' POVs. Yes, at a very early age I was already aware of the brilliance of using wolves in stories) I wrote fantasy. I LOVE fantasy. So my quiz result...not a shock!

FANTASY! - Mystical, magical mayhem! You feel the
urge to write of fantastic worlds that never
were and the beings that might live there. Are
they Lands of Wonder or adventures of Magical
Folly? JRR Tolkien and Tanith Lee are your
guides.


What Kind of Novel Should I Write?
brought to you by Quizilla

Sunday, March 06, 2005 @ 09:05 AM CST [link]

Negativity

Pages Written: A million pages of revisions

Let's talk about negativity. No, not mine. I'm talking about the negativity towards others, disguised as compliments. Backhanded compliments.

Yesterday someone congratulated me privately about my revision request. The congratulations went something like this:

"That's so wonderful that you aren't looking at it as a rejection, because really, that's what it was. You're taking it SO well." Um, okay. This is from a person who turned her own "rejection/revision request" into a sale.

Then, "The request is from Temptation? Oh, I love Temptations, so that's great! It's just too bad they're stopping North American distribution. It won't be like you're REALLY published if they buy it. More like little league instead of majors. Doesn't that bother you?"

Well, duh. I would LOVE to see my book on the shelves in North America. However, it would be a foot in the door with a huge publisher, a sale, and a home for a manuscript I love.

And dammit, leave the baseball analogies out of it. If you're going to insult me, at least do it with something I actually LIKE. Like NASCAR. Busch league instead of running with the big boys. So there.

Saturday, March 05, 2005 @ 08:46 AM CST [link]

Revision Notes

I spent yesterday working with my revision letter, and it was less painful in many ways than I thought it would be. Of course, that's because I'm starting with the managable minor stuff.

First thing I did was categorize all the comments. There were nineteen, yes, NINETEEN bulleted revision comments. Nineteen. I really hope there are people out there who have gotten more, because that sounds like an awful lot to me.

Fortunately, most are very minor--wording changes, some small clarification issues, etc. That's VERY good news. So I separated all comments into minor, medium-minor, and difficult. 16 are in the first two categories. Three are in the latter. And of those three, one will require more thinking than actual writing, and the other two are going to take some work. One of the two will require a lot of rewriting of one scene, and the other...well, it's going to force me to remove one thread and weave in another. It's not a major thread, but enough of one that it'll probably require some subtle changes to most scenes in the first 2/3rds of the book. Thing is, I'm not good at subtle. I like to whack the reader over the head with changes. So this is going to be a challenge.

For now, I'm working on the minor stuff first. Yesterday I got 5 comments knocked off the list, and today I think I can get at least three more. Is that how y'all approach revisions? Doing the easy stuff first? Any advice would be appreciated!

Now, off to work on those revisions. CPs, get ready to be tortured! *g*

Friday, March 04, 2005 @ 07:36 AM CST [link]

A Revision Request!!!!!

Yep! I got one!!!! On Snowbound, the manuscript that had been sent by Brenda Chin to Harlequin's London office! That's so cool!!!

And as soon as I recovered from my heart attack at seeing the envelope in the mailbox and thinking that it could only be a rejection, I realized that there are really two ways to look at something like the 4-page letter I received.

A) They didn't like it enough to give me The Call, or
B) They liked it so much that they want to see it again after a few changes.

I take the second view. Yay!!!

And I'm totally psyched about the letter. The editor was VERY generous with her praise, as well as very detailed in the THREE pages (and not short American pages, either. These suckers are those long-ass British pages,) of revisions.

Since I'm psyched, I'll tell you about the praise. Tomorrow, when I'm frustrated over trying to work some of the revisions, I'll whine about them. Because you KNOW that's coming.

Anyway, the editor, Katinka Proudfoot, says:

"We were impressed by its fun and lively tone. The prose is fresh and snappy and the dialogue engaging and realistic. The story begins well, is well-paced (insert sigh of relief here--my rejection a while back on another story cited pacing problems) and the transitions between scenes are smooth and keep the reader hooked.

The hero and heroine are instantly likable: not only do they have all the traits and qualities of a typical Temptation h/h, but their characters are convincing and well-rounded, and they continue to develop and change in believable ways. The secondary characters are also just right--supportive and involved but not too intrusive. (Yay!)

You also successfully engage the readers' emotions right from the beginning. The internal conflict is strong and compelling. The level of sensuality is fine, with well-written sex scenes--and the issue of the hero's loss of a testicle to cancer is sensitively handled with no loss of sexual intensity." (Woo hoo!)

I'm SO pleased with the fact that the cancer issue wasn't a killer for this story. At least, it's not with this editor. That has been a major worry of mine.

So anyway, there is a little more, and she very kindly sprinkles compliments throughout the revision bullets, but really, I'm SO pleased with the request.

Now I have to go work on it!

Thursday, March 03, 2005 @ 06:54 AM CST [link]

Rule Nazis Strike Again

A friend of mine recently asked me to crit something as a favor. The partial manuscript belonged to a friend of hers, and she didn't feel she could be objective because she was frustrated by the writing. She complained that she had to re-read every sentence to figure out what it meant, and she couldn't figure out why the sentences didn't make sense to her.

Oh, joy. Thanks, buddy, for subjecting me to that. And as I soon found out, "that" was exactly the problem.

The poor author, a newbie, had been so brainwashed by the Rule Police that she'd removed nearly every single "that" from her manuscript. So paragraphs that COULD have read like this:

It only took Sara an hour to figure out that Mike was a creep. It wasn't like he was a murderer or anything. It was just that he was her best friend's ex-boyfriend. The fact that he was also a a rich snob didn't help matters. She ducked into a spare bedroom, but quickly saw that there was no need; he'd gone out the front door. She gave a mental swipe of the brow that he left.

Read like this (permission granted):

It only took Sara an hour to figure out Mike was a creep. It wasn't like he was a murderer or anything. It was just, he was her best friend's ex-boyfriend. The fact he was also a a rich snob didn't help matters. She ducked into a spare bedroom, but quickly saw there was no need; he'd gone out the front door. She gave a mental swipe of the brow he left.

See the difference? Some of the "thats" were easily removed and actually help the sentences. But some make the sentences confusing and/or awkward. She actually replaced one "that" with a comma! And the last sentence "She gave a mental swipe of the brow he left," well...she swiped the brow he left behind? I know that's not what she meant to say, but that's what happens when you go "that" crazy.

Granted, I overuse the word in my own manuscripts. However, there is nothing WRONG with it. Using "that" doesn't create grammar issues or passivity. It simply adds words. Removing it can create grammar issues, awkwardness, and just plain confusion.

So here's a case where the Rule Police made things worse for a new writer instead of making things better. I'm all for learning the rules. But I'm also all for tossing them out once you know them.

This is one of my biggest gripes when it comes to contests. Judges, how many books have you seen that are published despite the fact that the author broke some long-held "rule?" Exactly. So leave the policing to the editors who will decide if the rules were broken effectively, and stop marking down for rule-breaking!

Wednesday, March 02, 2005 @ 08:29 AM CST [link]

What Brought People in February

Okay, here are the key phrases that brought people to my website/blog in February:

Looking for me (or someone named Larissa):

sexy larissa
larissa porn
larissa virus
larissa piss
grouch larissa
larissa explains it all

Looking for someone else:

charlene teglia
lydia joyce veil of night
anna genoese tor
rey/lydia joyce author
kate duffy brava
james patterson and rwa
kara lennox books
paperback writer lynn viehl
review cheyenne mccray
katie bryan
mcvane blogspot

Weird:

bigbutts.com (WHY would THAT bring people here? )
cameltoe blogs (ditto)
my uggs smell
crazy sex toys
clues hints and quizilla quizzes to find out if a cute teenage guy likes you
towing scrotum
knee his balls kick squeeze pain breast nuts
truck scrotum
ankle stimulation
i hate failing blog
wrong with 4 hour erection
foot-smell fix
gay snowbound
sexy foot smell (what's up with the foot smell stuff?)
the naughty baker and candy maker
horny in shropshire
spoogie awards
puppies in human female womb

Writing/novels/fiction:

harlequin novel salary money rejected
romance novels about virgin males
heroine meeting the hero across a blackjack table
historical romance blogs
steamy romance novel excerpt
vampires who can time travel
epubbed average income
first line of a bad novel (And what, exactly, made MY website pop up for that query? )
depressing statistics romance
fifteen worst romance novel opening lines
romance publishers average payout

Animal Myths:

is dogs mouth cleaner than a human (Depends on the dog and the human, but...no. Not always.
are eggs good for dogs coats? (Yolks, yes. Whites, no.)
why do cats always land on thier feet (They DON'T!)
dobermans skulls explode (Give me a break)
does a dog s hair attract lightning (Er...no.)
do dogs attract lightning (Read my lips: NO)
how dogs attract lightning (THEY DON'T!!!! For the last time, dogs DO NOT attract lightning!)

To read up on these myths, and why they aren't true, click here.

Tuesday, March 01, 2005 @ 07:43 AM CST [link]