[Previous entry: "Sunday Blog Quiz"] [Next entry: "Speaking Of Fear..."]

08/08/2005: "The Fear Factor"

I recently read a post from someone on one of my writer loops where the author said she didn't go to National because she's afraid of flying. I have a friend who is terrified of tornadoes--thunderstorms totally freak her out. I had another friend who refused to go to London--IRA bombings, you know.

It's healthy to experience a dose a fear at times. Fear is a natural response that can save your life. (That dark alley scares you? Then, duh, don't walk down it.) But when fear keeps you from enjoying life, something needs to change. A life spent in fear is not a life worth living.

I'm not talking about phobias, which cause severe anxiety and often need professional help to lessen. I have claustrophobia, and let me tell you, no amount of money on this planet could get me to go back inside Disney's Mission Space. It's a stupid fear, excessive and completely illogical, and I should probably get help. However, for the most part it doesn't affect my life--how often do I get buried alive in coffins or stuck in tight places? Not often, and I don't even intentionally avoid these things.

As a rule, I'm one of those people who taunts my fears with a big, fat, neener-neener. I push past them because the adrenaline rush of conquering a fear is amazing. Plus, I tend to apply as much logic as possible. I do have a fear of flying, but it doesn't stop me from doing so. Why? Logic. More people die in car accidents EVERY DAY than die in plane crashes in an entire year. Yet I happily load my family up into a car, a virtual deathtrap considering how many people die on the roads daily, but I hate planes. It's stupid.

And about now, you're wondering where this is going, yes? What does this have to do with writing?

I'll tell you. (You're holding your breath, right?)

Writers harbor a lot of fears. The first-time author fears not selling again. The bestselling author fears not staying on top. Unpublished authors have enough insecurities and fears to fill up a book of its own.

My writer fear? Submitting. It isn't the rejection I fear (though I do hate rejections.) I'm always freaked out the the editor will like my query or proposal, and they'll ask for more. Yes, it's good news. But it also creates performance anxiety. What if she's disappointed in the rest of what I wrote? What if the only thing I will ever be able to write well are the first three chapters of a story? And so on and so on.

I push past my fear of submission every time, usually after lots of prodding from CPs and friends, but it's always still there, lingering. Still, the rush of sending something off in the mail is awesome, and for a few hours after sending, I'm on top of the world.

What's your writer fear? Do you conquer it easily, or do you agonize over it?

Replies: 12 brave souls responded

on Monday, August 8th, Jordan said

That my sale to Kensington was a fluke and I'll never sell another manuscript to NY. Does it matter that I've only submitted to 'one' other publisher in NY? NO! LOL! Does it matter that I haven't heard from them yet? NO!

I also fear that I'll never be able to write a single title, even though I have written one before. Apparently, logic rarely plays a part when it comes to fear.

on Monday, August 8th, Larissa said

Heh. I have the same fear about STs. I've finished three LONG STs, and yet, I'm terrified that if I actually had to write one under contract, that I couldn't.

I don't think these are as much fears, though, as performance anxiety issues. I know I COULD write an ST. I just don't know that it would be good!

on Monday, August 8th, Charlene said

I didn't even know what my biggest fear was until I had to ask myself why I wasn't sending work out. It was because I was afraid I'd find out I just plain wasn't good enough and then my whole image of myself as a writer would be in the toilet. I'd have to figure out something else to be.

Once I realized this, I took a deep breath and said, "if I'm just not good enough to ever make it as a writer, the sooner I find out, the better," and submitted. And started making sales and getting publishing credits. Which is good, because what else would I do with my life?

on Monday, August 8th, Danica said

I have a similar fear, I think, that once I create this totally awesome book, I'll never be able to create another one as good. But we all know that there's plenty of factual basis to the contrary, so I need to just get over it.

on Monday, August 8th, Joely said

My greatest fear is that I'm always going to write meh books. Soggy wonder bread, bland mushy potatoes, with a side of moldy cheese.

on Monday, August 8th, Larissa said

Charlene, what a great story! And yay for your success!

Exactly, Danica. But getting over it can really be hard, can't it? Still, there's definitely a great feeling when you do!

Joely, after reading your excerpts you post in your blog, I can say that you don't write bland! (And hey, moldy cheese can be really tangy! )

on Monday, August 8th, Michelle said

I'm afraid of all my books sounding alike. This is my third, and I'm discovering that I have pet phrases that keep popping up. I'm afraid that after four books, my vocabulary will be gone, shot to pieces. No originality left.

on Monday, August 8th, Cece said

Michelle I have similiar fears about writing sex scenes! But honestly the performance anxiety comment nailed me. That's it.
Gimme a deadline (even self-imposed!) and I'm sitting in a corner sucking my thumb (until one of my CP's comes to kick my ass).
*glances over at proposal I wanted to mail today*

on Tuesday, August 9th, Larissa said

MICHELLE!!! Omg. Yes. I'm TERRIFIED of that! I forgot all about that heinous fear, which is actually one of my biggest.

LOL, Cece! That's me. Totally.

on Tuesday, August 9th, Mary said

GREAT topic. I have to agree with Michelle - I'm afraid all my books will sound the same. I'm afraid that after everything I've put into it, that I'll never be published. I know now why some people don't tell people outside the writing community that they're writers - there's enough pressure without those people asking you about your books.

on Tuesday, August 9th, kacey said

Fears. Wow. Well, as you all know I have the fear of first page. But, the little nagging fear, that I rarely let see the light of day, is that I'll write all these books for all these years...and never sell... Then I slap myself and think positively and send out more submissions and keep writing...

on Tuesday, August 9th, Cece said

LOL, Cece! That's me. Totally.

It'll get out... eventually

Kacey yeah that too. As much as fear motivates it also cripples me. or maybe that should be the other way around.