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01/06/2005: "A Blog Non-Rant"

You know, with all the conversations about the pros and cons of blogs going on IN blogs and on various messageboards and lists, I started thinking about the reasons *I* have blog. There are a lot of reasons, really, but the one that struck me as the most important surprised me. For me, having a blog is about...home.

Home?

Yes. See, author websites are personal. You feel safe there. It's YOURS. You can do what you want with it. The design, the pages, the colors...everything about it reflects who you are.

A blog, whether connected to your site or not, is also YOURS. It's like your house. You decorate it, you make the rules. You invite guests in by allowing comments, and you can control who comes into your house. People who come in are usually your friends, or at least people who like you. If you get a nasty idiot every once in while, you can take care of it. You can delete them from existence, you can get the last word, you can block them from ever coming back.

I feel comfortable in my blog. It's my little warm place to talk to my friends. And I can go to other blogs, which are other people's homes. I feel comfortable at my friends' blogs. I enjoy visiting with them and their friends.

With message boards and listserves, it's a different feeling. Going to a message board (not an author message board--they feel more like blogs in regards to their comfort level,) is like going to a party at a big mansion. It can be fun, but it's also very uncomfortable for me because at heart I'm NOT a social person unless I'm in my comfort zone.

You walk in, and over there in one corner are the ever-present snooty people gossiping. Over by the fire, there are the people who are more than happy to give their two cents on everything but won't listen to anyone else. And there by the staircase, the "nice" people, the people who don't seem to have an opinion of their own. Chowing down at the buffet table are the people you recognize but don't know. And sprinkled throughout, people you like and trust, but they seem to be few and far between.

Overseeing it all is the owner, keeping an eye out to make sure everyone is happy and everything runs smoothly, and that the food doesn't run out. She might be a very nice lady, participating often. Or she might be standing at the top of the staircase, watching with a sharp, critical eye to make sure no one insults her favorites. And her moderators, the bouncers of the party, are ready to enforce her rules and come to her rescue should SHE be spoken out against.

For me, this kind of environment is NOT comfortable. I have to leave the comfort and safety of my house to go to a party where people are usually polite, but at the mention of a sensitive topic, suddenly the atmosphere turns ugly, degenerating into a brawl.

I'm not saying that can't happen in blogs--it frequently does. But conflict in blogs is more like sitting in on a family argument or a couple of friends going at it. It doesn't have the "mob mentality" feel of brawls on boards and listserves--at least, not when it's going on at a friend's blog. Stranger blogs--yikes! Seeing conflict there is like walking in on domestic violence.

I'm not saying there's anything wrong with boards and listserves at all! I'm just saying that I've never felt comfortable in those environments, and that my blog feels like a warm, happy place where I am safe and my friends visit often. When I'm lonely, I go visit them.

I love the blog community, and it can bring unexpected surprises!

Replies: 16 brave souls responded

on Thursday, January 6th, Suzanne said

Larissa, that is the most evocative description of message boards, lists, and blogs I've ever seen!! And so true!

on Thursday, January 6th, Jordan said

Larissa, I understand completely what you mean about the feeling at home on certain blogs. It is like visiting a dear friend at times. Wonderful entry.

on Thursday, January 6th, Larissa said

Thanks, Suzanne! And Jordan, thank you, and WELCOME BACK!!! We've missed you!

on Thursday, January 6th, Maili said

There is no secret that for years I've been a newsgroup/message board slut, yet you've summed up the 'edge' well. I used to think it was my paranoia and insecurity, so it's nice to know that I'm not the only one who felt a bit uncomfortable. Now, if I could combat those old feelings about blog's comments section!

Larissa, thank you.

on Thursday, January 6th, Larissa said

You aren't alone, Maili!

When I first started writing romance I really wanted to belong somewhere. You know, I wanted to connect with other writers and be a part of something. So I joined listserves and hung out at message boards, but I didn't post much. I think I was afraid of putting myself out there.

So the blog thing was the perfect solution. I'm still part of a community. I still can participate in conversations. I've formed such wonderful friendships through blogging.

On lists and boards, I mostly lurk, and then what happens is that when things go horribly wrong, I de-lurk to add my two cents, and then everyone just thinks I'm a raving bitch because the only time they see me is when I pop up to rant!

It might help to post nice-nice posts sometimes, huh? LOL

on Thursday, January 6th, Sylvia Day said

Bravo!! I love this post.

on Thursday, January 6th, Holly Lisle said

Yes. Simply yes. You've described the whole thing perfectly.

on Thursday, January 6th, Alison said

One of the naysayers on another board who mentioned what time-suckers blogs are, said she did post on a lot of boards - but the difference was that she never started the conversations. And that's what I LOVE about blogs. My blog, my ideas, my need for input, my online home, etc. MEMEMEMEME, LOL!

on Thursday, January 6th, Emma said

Oh, what a wonderful analogy! You've pegged down perfectly the reason why I love blogs and am leery of message boards! I'm a lurker, too, and to become a non-lurker does feel like crashing a party. I don't do it to rant, though, so all the reception I ever got was the one-sentence responses, much like the contemptuous glance over the shoulder ("Who the hell is THIS person???" you might get at a party!

on Thursday, January 6th, Teresa said

You're right about the blogs. It is me, mine, my own. It reflects me. All the good and bad.

And you never know what might come of it. My CP, Lynn, got an email from one of my favorite people because he found and read her blog.

on Thursday, January 6th, Jaq said

Fantastic post Larissa. You got to the heart of the matter, I second everything thing you said.

on Thursday, January 6th, Larissa said

Thanks, Sylvia!

Holly, welcome!

LOL, Alison! Exactly!

Emma--yes! I DO feel like a party crasher when I post something at a board or on a list! And those contemptuous glares...I can relate. It almost feels like your presence is merely tolerated. You get a nice pat on the head from someone, and then heads turn back to the "popular" people. It's weird!

Ooh, Teresa, I've gotten those kinds of emails--from people I NEVER would have expected to email little ol me! I love it!

Jaq, thank you!

on Thursday, January 6th, Steph T. said

I love this! (and your 'home')
Brought a big smile to my face.

now, if you don't mind, I'm just gonna kick my shoes off, get comfy and raid your fridge...

on Thursday, January 6th, Cece said

Watch out for the grasshoppers Steph

Larissa...BRAVO! You nailed my feelings exactly.

on Thursday, January 6th, Steph T. said

Don't worry, Cece - I'm avoiding all the peanuts and I'm breaking into the booze instead.

on Friday, January 7th, Cece said

Booze......hmmmmmm.....

*heads out to find new kaluah recipes*