Index > Why You Need Wolves

Why You Need Wolves (or how to write a bestseller)

A while back, I bought The Day After Tomorrow because it’s about weather, and having worked in the meteorology field for 13 years, I needed to see this movie. And let me just say that the purchase was a serious waste of $14.95 + tax. No, wait. No tax. I bought it at Keesler’s BX.

I didn’t have a problem with the basic storyline – the fact that it was completely implausible didn’t bother me because the people who made it KNOW that even with global warming, it would take more than a few weeks for weather phenomenon like that to develop, so it wasn’t like they just didn’t do their research. They had a movie to make, and the movie couldn’t span hundreds of years. I can deal with that. It’s fiction.

What made the movie bad were a few really idiotic “huh?” issues, and one huge…well, I don’t even know what to call it. Ready? Spoiler ahead, so if you haven’t seen the movie, don’t read on. If you want the key to writing a bestseller, however, keep reading.

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****** Spoiler *******

Okay, so we have a monster ice hurricane heading for New York. We have a group of people trying to stay alive inside the NY Public Library. One of the people develops a nasty case of sepsis and needs drugs in order to survive. Good thing we just happen to have a huge ocean-going ship parked in the street outside the library.

So a group of the guys decide to raid the ship and see if they can find the needed antibiotics. Yay! But they have to hurry. If the eye of the ice hurricane reaches them, they’ll freeze instantly in the 150 below temperatures.

They find the drugs. The eye is coming – they can see clear skies on the horizon, coming closer. They start to head back to the library. But wait! Danger! There’s something on the ship with them. They are attacked by…

Wolves.

Uh, wait. WHAT????

It’s as if the screenwriter up to that point in the script was fired, and a new one, one who maybe just celebrated his 9th birthday, was brought in to finish the movie. Or maybe the screenwriter didn’t get fired, but he’s really having some issues with his story (I know it happens to me.)

I picture him like this:

Joe Screenwriter is typing away at his screenplay. So far, so good. There’s all this excitement going on, people panicking, dying. Dennis Quaid is risking his life (and that of his colleagues) to reach his son who is stranded in the library. There’s really no point to this; what’s daddy gonna do when he gets there? But the story needs heart. So we’ll keep it.

But now there are these guys in the ship. The storm’s eye is closing in. They have the meds. The eye is closer. But wait. There’s something missing in this story. We need an obstacle or the guys are going to make it back to the library and be safe, and that’s just not exciting. So what kind of obstacle is needed? Hmm.

Maybe…looters. That disgusting subspecies of human might work. But no, too realistic. How about escaped convicts from the jail down the street? Hmm. No, not entirely realistic, but still too plausible.

Joe Screenwriter drums his fingers on the desk. He thinks. And thinks. Drums some more. Then the lightbulb comes on. “I know!” he exclaims. “Wolves! What this movie needs is a pack of ravenous wolves in downtown Manhattan.”

So now he has to foreshadow the wolves. Scroll back up to the beginning of the screenplay and insert a zoo scene where wolves are all worked up. Scroll down a little. Insert a scene showing the zookeeper freaking out because the wolves escaped. And the zookeeper can’t act like the poor things are so terrified that they escaped and are probably cowering in fear somewhere. Nope. The zookeeper must act like what really escaped are mutated scientific experiments that mated wolves with chupacabras. Very scary.

Zookeeper gasps. “Oh my God, the wolves have escaped!”

Now scroll back down to the NY scene on the ship. Insert ravenous wolf pack. (Who cares how they got on board in the first place.) And let’s hope the viewers don’t notice that the wolves could have eaten any of the thousands of dead people lying around NY, not to mention the millions of live ones trying to walk out. Oh, and let’s hope that no one realizes that wolves don’t behave this way. We’ll chalk it up to the massive change in weather freaking them out. Never mind that domestic dogs aren’t affected at all.

So the wolves (CGI, wolves, by the way–CHEESY CGI wolves that really do look kinda like chupacabras) attack the humans, who outrun and outsmart the wolves. But wow, did that create a tense and unexpected moment, or what?

See what the writer did? Oldest trick in the book. Pull the old ravenous wolf pack out of the writer’s toolbox. I mean, think how much more thrilling Seabiscuit would have been if a pack of wolves had chased the horse down the track? Or how much more exciting it would have been to watch wolves track Jack Ryan as he hunts the Russian cook in the bowels of Red October? The hunter becomes the hunted. Ooh, what a twist!

So, fellow writers, I give you a new tool for your toolbox. The ever-popular pack of ravenous and out-of-character wolves. When you hit the bestseller lists, don’t forget to thank me!

Index > Why You Need Wolves